There Goes My Baby

This week has been an absolute blur. Buster's diagnosis has begun to sink in and I feel that I'm taking it better than expected. However, there are many reasons for that. For the first time in weeks, Buster is himself again. He doesn't seem to be in pain and minus his tiredness, he's running, eating, and playing again; which is a complete blessing. He is on a pretty high dose of Prednizone which is a steroid that has shrunk his cancer drastically. We can barely feel his lymphoma tumors, but we know they're still there. However, this medicine is giving us a sense of false hope. The medicine is only temporary. It will not cure or keep the cancer from spreading. But, we'll take what we can get. Every day we have with Buster is a blessing and we're going to enjoy him as long as we can.

The day after his diagnosis I went home and spent a couple hours with him. Just the two of us. He was beginning to regain his strength and I could see his eyes begin to sparkle once again. Time literally stood still as I layed beside Buster and held him close. God was truly keeping time still for me and him. I can't say that I've every appreciated two hours more than I did that day. Every minute I spend with him is precious from now on and I'm going to enjoy that boy as much as I can.

There's one thing that I've promised myself and Buster until God decides to take him home. And that is to get him JJ's vanilla ice cream every time I go home to see him. I will not break this promise. There's no greater joy that walking in the door and being greeted by this furry gentle giant and saying, "I got you JJ's Buster!" He knows what I'm saying. His little stub of a tail starts wiggling and doesn't stop until he's finished his ice cream. For the first time in his life he's also getting fed table scraps. The rest of his time on earth is sure to be the happiest and best time of his life.

Again, cancer has brought on something that I'd never thought I'd see again. Seeing my Dad cry. I've only seen my Dad cry once, and that was when my Papa passed away from cancer over ten years ago. Don't get me wrong, my Dad is a gentle giant, but he holds his tears back well. While I was visiting with him and Buster today he told me about the evening after Buster came home from the vet. He told me that he could tell Buster was miserable and so he layed down beside him and wept. Tears came to my eyes as he told me this story. My Dad is a strong man, but in this instance, he's realized that it's ok to cry. Buster is worth every tear. Cancer has a way of bringing out hidden fears and emotions that normally don't show. And it will forever change my family after this.

Today I went through with one of the easiest yet hardest decisions I've ever made. I decided to let my parents keep Angel. Permanently. Tyler and I have had Angel, our adopted 11 year old Boston Terrier, for a little over 3 months now. After my Mom told me that Buster had Stage III Lymphoma I immediately, without thinking, told her that they could have Angel. My family has realized that when Buster does pass, our 16 year old Bischon Frise, Tynie, will probably join Buster in heaven because of a broken heart. Losing Buster is more than we can handle. Losing both of them would be an absolute tragedy. And I honestly I don't know if my Dad would make it out alive. Those two furry boys are his world. He spends more time with the dogs than he does anyone else in the family. I can't bare the thought of watching my Dad slowly drift away after their passings.

As I pulled into the driveway this morning I realized I was doing the right thing. My family needs Angel more then Tyler and I need her. She will help my family bounce back and keep Tynie alive for a little longer. She is an absolute joy and will fit right in with my Mom, Dad, and sister. I will dearly miss having that little girl around the house and having her as a bed partner, but she's needed elsewhere. We've been blessed with her for three months and now it's my parent's turn to enjoy her.



Watching the three of them play outside was one of my prayers being answered. I hoped that she would adjust well and she has. The next few weeks are going to rough. The realization of lymphoma is slowly beginning to sink in. The more I think of it, the madder I get. I'm still asking God why, even though I know I shouldn't question him. I know he has better plans for Buster in heaven. And yes, I believe all dogs go to heaven. I know I'll see Buster again one day. And as my friend Wes put in a previous comment, Buster will be running cancer free in heaven soon. Praise God!