I'm Not Ready To Say Goodbye...

Numbness. Anger. Mourning. I'm at a loss of words right now but my feelings are uncontrollable. Once again, I heard that five letter word that I despise... cancer. This time I didn't hear it, I read it on the sheet the vet gave us after taking my four year old boxer Buster there this morning. Buster has been diagnosed with Stage III Lymphoma. The cancer has spread to most of his lymph nodes and chemotherapy would only prolong his life, not cure him. We've chosen not to proceed with chemotherapy and are now focused on keeping him comfortable. I can only pray that God takes him home before he is in too much pain.

 If I hear that word one more time I'm going to lose it. My heart has been broken over and over again in the last three weeks. This time hurts the worst. It's been about 10 years since I've felt pain like this. Ten years ago I lost a man I loved dearly and now in a matter of days my little Buster will be in heaven. My tears are falling down uncontrollably and I've already began to mourn because I know his days are limited. I am anything but ready to say goodbye.

Buster is not just a dog. He's my little brother. He's my baby. He's the one who would comfort me when I fought with my parents in high school. He's the one who slept beside me when it was thundering outside. And he's been an absolute joy the last four years. I only wish I could live over those four years a couple more times. Losing him hurts just as bad as losing a family member, because he is my family.

I can't help but feel angry and sad at the same time. I'm going to miss that boy more then words can say. Life will not be the same without him. He is irreplaceable. At the same time I'm mad as hell. I refuse to let cancer keep doing this to my heart and my family! I can't take any more heartbreak! I'm determined to help find a cure for cancer... human and canine!