As I was browsing the wonderful world wide web, I came across an article about four women who shared their stories about getting married during college and found it to be quite intriguing. This article was eye opening and for once, I'm able to relate to the women that were interviewed. The struggles and joys that they talk about are exactly what I'm going through. The bottom line is, mixing college and marriage is not the average experience, but something totally different and often misunderstood by students who haven't experienced it.
While most college students are living up their freedom and having the time of their lives, I'm having the time of my life in a different way. My peers spend their weekends going to parties and hanging out with their friends, while I'm working three part time jobs, planning a wedding, and planning my future with Tyler. I often wonder how people in the same peer group can live totally different lives when they're in the same environment. For the most part, college students lives revolve around academics, a part time job, and hanging out with their friends. But for the engaged/married college student, life is a little more complex. There's a wedding to plan, a house to buy/rent, bills that come out of no where, and everything in between.
Tyler and I got engaged my first semester of college and we'll be getting married the Fall of my senior year. This is a huge step and will be quite the juggling act in the upcoming months. While Tyler has a steady full time job as a professional firefighter, I'm still two semesters away from graduating from college. At first we were hesitant to get married while I was still in school, but in reality I only have a semester of classes left and then I'll do my student teaching.
One of the quotes in the article really caught my attention and made me think. I believe that every couple who is even thinking about getting engaged or married should figure this out first.
The biggest challenge of getting married in college is being confident in your own identity!
This is so true! In college, one of the biggest tasks you have to take on is to find your own identity and place in the world. Until you find your own identity and are confident about it, the marriage thing needs to be put on hold. I've realized that because I'm still in school, Tyler and I have so many different activities going on and we are two seperate people. He'll be at the fire station while I'm at school studying in the library. For someone who is insecure about themselves and their identity, this could be a problem not seeing their significant other all the time or not being with them constantly. However, I see this as an advantage to get what I need done. I have the rest of my life to focus on Tyler, and for now, Bridgewater College will come first until next May.
Here's some extra advice that the ladies in the article would like to give to their bride to be readers:
- Communication is key.
- You're not just thinking in terms of “I” anymore, which takes a ton of practice.
- It's not all about finding the perfect guy. You need to be the right woman for him, too.
- Wait for someone who appreciates you and wants to do things to make you happy.
- “I don't think there's really a social norm anymore for when people get married,” she says. The decision is all about you, not your friends, family, or anyone else.
- Be prepared to be flexible with every aspect of your life
- Sharing a lease with a boyfriend or fiancé is one thing, but being legally responsible for each other’s things is totally different.
- Getting married is still getting married, regardless of age.
- Keep things in perspective.
- Even though your life may be totally different, make every effort to keep your friends close.
- Try not to stress about wedding plans. Even if things seem crazy, it will all get done.
- Try to take your time and stay engaged for awhile.
- If you do decided to get married while in college, expect a ton of stress.
- School should always be a top priority
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