Praying at 4 a.m.

After spending the evening/night with Duane and Joni in Richmond at a rally with one our business' leaders, I found myself driving home from Harrisonburg at 4 a.m. During my drive home I began reflecting on how my day had went and what all the next two weeks have in store. My mind immediately went to my sweet Buster

.

Since my last post we've doubled his steroid intake and he was back to his old self. Until two days ago. As I was cleaning with Mom yesterday we started talking about the wedding, which led to Buster. There's a slim chance he'll be here for the wedding. His abdomen is starting to bloat and he is more tired than ever. Mom said that if he isn't better by the first of September, which is next week, we'll put him to rest. My heart shattered when Mom spoke these words. I can't handle any more false hopes. I can't handle what is about to unfold in the next two weeks. I can't handle losing Buster before the wedding. It's hard enough planning a wedding and moving into a new house, but it's been much harder getting over Buster's diagnosis the last month and a half. September 10 will be two days shy of two months since his diagnosis. And I can only pray for a miracle that Buster will be there on our wedding day.

I've been reluctant to share my wedding plans regarding Buster with my family because of his health. But, if it's God's will and he's still with us on our wedding day, he will walk down the aisle with Ranee and he'll sit with Mom and Dad during the service. That's all I want at this point. I'm to the point where I don't care what little details don't go right on our wedding day. There's more important things to think about.

 Just a few days ago I went to visit Buster and his little nub of a tail wouldn't stop wagging. He looks fine on the outside but we know he's just putting on a smile for us. Every time I go home I can see the pain in my family's eyes. Especially my Dad's. In addition to Buster's lymphoma, Tynie, our 16 year old Bischon isn't doing well. We believe he's had two light strokes in the last few months and as Buster dwindles away, so does Tynie. These boys are our babies, especially my Dad's.

So, back to my 4 a.m. ride home. Reflecting on Mom's words from that afternoon really hit me hard. I don't think I've ever prayed so much in my life. But it all came down to one thing. Keeping Buster alive until the wedding. I know I'm basically asking for a miracle, but I know that if it's God's will, it will be done.