Go Rest High On That Mountain

As I answered the phone this morning I felt the numbness I felt on July 12th, the day we discovered Buster's lymphoma. When I saw Ranee's number I knew that it was time. She didn't say much, just that I needed to come home immediately. I prayed that Buster had went peacefully in his sleep but that wasn't the case as I walked in the door and saw him. He looked so tired and in so much pain. As we packed up to head to Winchester to relieve him of his pain, Mom told me that when he was outside this morning he dug two holes in the place where we buried him this afternoon. Yes, you heard me correctly. Buster dug his own hole and a second one for Tynie. He was ready to die and finally have rest. And it seems that he knew that Tynie's time here is short as well.

The ride to Winchester was peaceful yet full of sorrow as Buster lay on my lap in the back seat. As we walked into the vet hospital, Dad decided to decline from being in the room with him when he passed. Seeing him say Goodbye to Buster was the hardest things I've ever witnessed. My Dad is a many of many words, but today he couldn't have been more quiet. I've never seen my Dad cry as much as he did today and neither has Mom. I lost it when he gave Buster one last hug and told him that he loved him. My Dad lost his son and his baby today. And he later told me that this is the hardest thing he's ever went through.

We then were taken to a side room and waited there for what seemed an eternity. There were several animals who came in critical care as we taken to our room, which meant the doctor couldn't see us for over an hour and a half. In a way I'm glad we had to wait. It gave me extra time to spend with Buster. I layed on the floor next to him the whole time and just held him. Every twenty minutes or so he would get up and move to the door and just stare at it. It was almost as if he was wanted the vet to hurry up and come in. It still amazes me how ready he was. He wanted to rest so bad and it absolutely breaks my heart. He was tired of being in pain and hurting. When the time came to give him the medicine I layed next to him and watched him take his last breathe and I closed his eyes for him. At that moment I felt the peace that Buster had been longing for. He was finally pain free and cancer free.

The ride home was the longest ride I've every experienced. An hour of silence mixed with my Mom breaking down in the back seat as she held Buster. When we finally made it home, we layed Buster underneath a tree and let Tynie and Angel come to terms with it. We all broke down as Tynie layed right next to Buster. He realized his brother is gone and was mourning. Later this afternoon we finished the hole Buster had started and layed him to rest at the foot of the mountain, underneath a tree, in our new memorial garden in the back yard. As Dad put the first dirt on Buster he cried out "God Bless you Buster!" My heart broke all over again when he said this.

We all know that Dad's last words to him were true. God blessed us with Buster and he deserves every bit of blessing. Even though his time with us was short, he was a joy everyday and his spirit will live on. As we put him to rest, a strong yet calming wind came. I believe with my whole heart that it was a sign from Buster. I miss that boy terribly, but I couldn't be happier for him. He's finally where he's been longing to be for the last few weeks. I know he's up in heaven right now looking down on us. And I know he's also up there chasing squirrels and running cancer free. And that just makes me smile.

In my heart I knew he wouldn't make it to the wedding day. It was my wish and even though it didn't come true, my prayers were still answered. All I've been asking for for the past few days is peace for Buster. And he got it today. In a way, I'm glad he chose today to be the day. Because I honestly don't think I could have handled his passing any closer to the wedding day. Even though he won't be there physically, he'll still be there in spirit.

I can only hope that no one ever has to go through what I've went through today. This has been by far the hardest day of my life. But, I wouldn't change a thing. I was there with him during his last breathes and that is so special to me. I've realized that God wanted Buster for a reason and his cancer made us realize how precious life is and how he was anything but a pet or a dog. He was my brother and my baby and I was blessed to have him in my life for four years.

Of all the songs that came to mind today, this one is perfect.

I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain
‘Cause, Son, your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
And gathered round your grave to grieve
Wish I could see the angels’ faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Go rest high on that mountain
‘Cause, Son, your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

InstrumentalGo rest high on that mountain
‘Cause, Son, your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

God Bless you Buster!

Buster Jewel Sager
December 5, 2006 - August 28, 2011