Be Still...

If there's one thing I've learned over the last week it's to simply {be still}. Psalm 46:10 tells us, "Be still and know that I am God." Oh how true. Sometimes I just have to stop and remind myself that I'm not in control. Realizing that I can't control everything is quite a challenge, especially for my perfect melancholy personality. There have been very few quite moments for me in the last week but the ones I have taken have been much needed.

I feel that our sense of normalcy in our home has gone out the window yet again. However, I know that our circumstances will be constantly changing and there will never be such thing as normalcy in our home. We change with the times and with the circumstances. A few weeks ago we went through the process of getting the home we rent appraised. Our landlord offered us first chance at the house and I was being optimistic that we could afford the house. I was very wrong. The house came back appraised at $234,000. That's not pocket change. And it's way over our budget. I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up because as soon as we realized we couldn't afford the house the reality of moving set in. Our lease runs out in August and we will have to find a new place to live. My heart broke that night. I love the house we live in and thought of it as the home we would raise our children in. God has a different plan though. Not an hour after we got the appraisal my awesome husband starts making phone calls to people seeing if they will sell us land. We have two leads right now and I know that what's mean to be will come to fruition. It's not in our hands. It's in God's hands. All we can do is prepare for the land that is to come. We've already picked our our new home through Clayton homes and as soon as the loan goes through our house will be ready to move in in 90 days. I couldn't be more excited to start this new chapter in our lives, but at the same time building a home is a huge step!

In addition to all the house craziness, I got my own wake up call on Thursday. I went for my monthly allergy shots and an hour later I was having trouble breathing and breaking out in hives. I knew that I would have to use my Epi Pen and went into panic mode. After calling Tyler in a panic the Engine pulled up at my work two minutes later. These guys weren't wasting any time. I've never seen the engine move so fast and the guys came to my care right away. In less than 5 minutes I had my vitals checked 3 times, was given my Epi Pen injection, and sent away in an ambulance. We are truly blessed to be a part of the Harrisonburg Fire Department and we have the best professionals around; especially my husband. After spending a couple hours in the ER I was released and sent home. For the first time in a month I spent the evening at home resting. God was telling me to be still and didn't give me any other choice. I needed that. This reaction has also set me back almost a year in my series of shots. It's not that getting the shots is a big deal or super painful, but that puts us back another year from having children. Again, I think it's God's way of telling us that he has a plan and we can't always follow ours.

On a positive note we are so close to paying off all of the medical bills from Tyler's surgery. We've paid over $2,500 in the last 45 days. My heads spins thinking about it and my body cringes knowing how much I worked to help pay the bills. There hasn't been a week in 2013 that I haven't worked between 50 and 65 hours. It will all be worth it in the end. Where there's a will there's a way. And we're finding our way.

My hopes are that with this {blizzard} coming our way that I'll be able to take some time to myself and get my life back in check. I need time to clear my head and rest my body. Snow is the perfect way to accomplish just that :)

Blessings,
Kelsey

Week 2 of Bikram Yoga

I'm on week 2 of my Bikram Yoga practice and I feel incredible. I've been pain free for 13 days. Just saying that brings me to tears. For those that haven't experienced hot yoga before I highly recommend it; especially for those with joint and muscle pain. Yesterday I decided to practice twice in one day. My first practice was at 6 a.m. and my second practice was at 6 p.m. My first practice of the day was a wake up call for my body. I've realized that in order to get hydrated before class, I need to get up at 4:30 a.m. I'm a morning person, but that's super early! At 6 in the morning your brain isn't awake, much less your muscles. I was constantly reminding myself that I couldn't expect to be as flexible as my evening practices. It feels so good to have accomplished something so great by 7:30 in the morning. After my first practice I felt ready to conquer my 9 hour work day. The second practice of my day was even better than the first. Because I had already done the work to release my tight muscles I felt much more open and flexible. I couldn't believe how much further into the poses I got. I'm looking forward to my next 2 a day :)

I truly believe that I have found the secret to fibromyalgia; at least my fibromyalgia. Bikram is truly a healing practice and I can't help but smile every time my instructor tells the class how it's healing their body. If they only knew. I love how I not only see outward changes but feel inward changes. My hips are finally slimming down and my stomach is regaining it's definition. But more importantly, my joints and muscles feel great. The pain is gone. I haven't had a migraine or headache in 2 weeks. I have more energy. I feel healthier. I'm happier. And even though life is crazy right now, I feel in control. All of these feelings are priceless.

Blessings,
Kelsey

Bikram Yoga 30 Day Challenge

We all make fitness goals at the beginning of the New Year and this year I was determined to reach mine. My goal is to treat my fibromyalgia and hypermobility on my own with alternative medicines and therapies. I have never been one to run to the doctors office for a prescription. Last April when I was diagnosed my rheumatologist wrote 5 prescriptions to me! I was pretty proud of myself when I only walked out filling only one of those, which was a mild muscle relaxer. But that's where my journey began. And I had to start from scratch. I thought that running, doing yoga, and working out 4-5 times a week would magically bring me back into alignment and balance. Wrong. I started on a strict supplement regimen, changed my diet, and started going back to my chiropractor. The difference in those few months were like night and day. I gained my control back for a short time. However, there were still bad days. I needed something else. Three weeks ago I discovered the new Bikram Yoga studio in Harrisonburg. I'll never forget that day... my Bikram birthday.

I woke up that morning not knowing if I could get through 90 minutes in a 105 degree room doing 26 poses and 2 breathing exercises. I was in the middle of a 3 week fibro flare that had left me physically and mentally exhausted. The day before I had literally spent 36 hours in bed because my body just couldn't do it. However, I'm so glad I had the courage to walk into that studio not knowing what to expect or how my body would respond. Once you get past the heat, the poses are incredible. I could literally feel the pain and tension melting away with each pose. By the end of class I felt normal, which by my definition is pain free.

Last Friday I made the commitment to do a 30 day challenge. I am determined to practice Bikram yoga everyday for 30 days. I'm on Day 5 now and the results are nothing less than amazing. I've been pain free for 5 days. I'm sleeping again and sleeping well. My headaches and migraines are gone. I feel energized and my brain is finally out of my fibro fog. I don't need any more proof that this practice can work wonders for the body.

One of my favorite parts of Bikram is the encouragement and sense of community. I could have cried the first time I heard the instructor say, "no one can take this away from you." How true. No one can take away the effort and hard work I put into my practice and no one can take away the healing this practice has brought to me.

Here's to 30 days of healing. My goal is to update a few more times during this challenge. I'm so excited to see what Bikram yoga can do to my body in 30 days :)

Blessings,
Kelsey

Adios 2012

2012 has been by far the most challenging year in every aspect. Kelly Clarkson was right... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. For every struggle we faced we made it into a victory story.

Here's our victory story.

 

In April after years of seeking answers to why my body didn't function like everyone else's I was diagnosed with hyper mobility syndrome and fibromyalgia. I completely agree with the hyper mobility diagnosis. I can bend and flex in ways that the human body isn't supposed to. However, I came out of my seat when my rheumotaligist diagnosed me with fibormyalgia in less than a half an hour of knowing me. He also told me to stop running and that I wouldn't be able to complete my half marathon in May. I left mad and more determined than ever to prove him wrong. On May 20th I finished my first half marathon in under 3 hours. I cried the last mile not because it hurt or it was hard; but because I had just taken control of my life and not let someone else determine my path.

 

 

On May 11th I celebrated my 21st birthday and the next day I walked to receive my college diploma.

It was such a bitter sweet day. In the months prior to graduation changes had been in my department and the President had ticked off the 90 ladies in my major. FCS professionals around the state began sending letters to the Board and President George regarding the changes and the importance of keeping our major together. Our voices were heard. Less than a month before graduation the President resigned and a small victory was won. It didn't change what was happening within our department but I felt at ease knowing that Bridgewater was no longer being led by George. I walked across that stage on May 12 with the biggest grin and snicker across my face as I shook George's hand. I only hope that he realized who I was and remembers my letter.

 

 

In June I was badly sun burnt at a friends outdoor wedding. My dress was of course backless and had small straps. My entire back was burnt. After the sunburn went away I noticed one of my moles didn't look quite right. Less than a week later I was in RMH General Surgery getting it removed and biopsied. I could see concern on the doctors face and waited anxiously by my phone for the next week. On July 3rd a nurse called telling me the mole wasn't cancerous; however, the doctor wanted me to come back to discuss my test results. Two days later I was back at RMH being told that my mole was precancerous and that it had the potential to develop into skin cancer in a few years. I went through one last surgery to remove all the tissue around it. The next step was to get a body scan from a dermatologist. I got the next appointment with a dermatologist in Waynesboro who turned out to be a quack. He barked orders at me like a soldier and told me that I shouldn't have had the precancerous mole removed. He didn't relieve my fears or give me peace of mind that my other moles were fine. Let's just say he'll never see me again or get recommended. Luckily one of my dear friends Connie suggested I see her dermatologist in Richmond, who turned out to be amazing. My peace of mind was restored and got the word cancer out of my brain for now.

 

In October I lost my first best friend and companion, our 17 year old bishon Tynie to cancer. I have very few recollections and memories before Tynie came into our life. I remember the day we brought him home. I was only 4 and my sister and I were floating on cloud nine as my dad held him in one hand on the car ride home. He saw our family through the good and the bad and was by our side every step of the way. From the time he could jump on the bed to the day I moved out he slept on the pillow next to me. He'll always hold a special place in my heart. Cancer has rocked our family hard in the last year and I pray that no one has to go through what we've gone through. Losing two beautiful dogs to cancer in a little over a year is enough to make anyone crazy. I'm blessed to Relay for Life to let me take that craziness and turn it into something productive. I truly believe that when we find a cure for cancer, there will also be a cure for canine cancer.

 

 

In November we started our journey with Tyler's wrist. The day before Thanksgiving we went to UVA to see a hand specialist. I had convinced myself that Tyler wasn't going to need major surgery and that they might just clean his joint out a little bit and send him to therapy. As the doctor pulled up his MRI and Xray my heart sank. His bones wrist bones were not in the right place and nearly all of his tendons and ligaments were torn. Our only option was a wrist fusion. I've never lost it in a doctors office, but that day I did. I'm pretty sure the doctors thought I was crazy. Less than 3 weeks later we were back at UVA getting the procedure done. The surgery couldn't have gone better, but when Tyler's nerve block wore off 6 hours later I knew we were in for it. 12 hours later we had been to 2 ER's and he had finally been admitted to UVA. In those 12 hours he screamed non stop and the pain was like none I've ever seen. I've never felt so helpless in my life. The doctors were ignoring him in the both ER's and they were ignoring my persistent questions and pleas for more pain killers. I was relieved when he was admitted because the nurses couldn't have been more sweeter. They not only took care of him but made sure I was ok, which was questionable at that point. For the next week I was with Tyler 24/7 until he was finally off his pain medications. He is doing so much better now and we're looking forward to his cast coming off and him beginning physical therapy.

 

 

2012 made us stronger and put a fire in us that will burn into 2013. It's moments like we've experienced this year that make us realize we're fighters and will find a way through any obstacle life throws at us. I'm optomistic that 2013 will be incredible and look forward to what it holds.

Happy New Year!

 

Blessings, Kelsey

How many times have you heard me cry out God, please take this...

A few months ago I started listening to K-love, the local Christian radio station and fell in love with the music. One of my favorite songs is "Need You Now" by Plumb.

 

Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
So, I guess you're tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise

These are just a few of the lyrics that stayed in my head the night we were moved from ER to ER in search of relief for Tyler's pain. December 14th was the start of one of the darkest and most challenging experiences of our life. That morning Tyler had a wrist fusion and the surgery couldn't have gone better. However, the surgeon told us that he had done extensive bone work in his wrist and that it was going to hurt. The nerve block was supposed to last at least 18 hours and we needed to get medication in his system before it wore off so we could stay ahead of the pain. We followed doctors orders and got two doses of medication in him before it wore off.

 

At 5 p.m. that evening the pain came fast and hard and before we knew it the ambulance was at our house picking Tyler up and rushing him to RMH ER. I was pretty calm until I saw the ambulance turn on the flashing lights. I knew that that meant he had been moved up to Priority 2 and that his pain was getting worse. As I walked into the ER hallway I could hear him screaming. Little did I know that his pain wouldn't subside for 12 hours and that the screams would get worse. Tyler was given two doses of pain killer at RMH but it wasn't touching his pain. The doctor informed us that no one was on call from UVA orthopedics and that he couldn't be treated at RMH until he talked to a surgeon that was familiar with his case. I was furious. I understood where he was coming from but knew that the longer we waited to be admitted the worse it would get. And I was right. After waiting in the ER for 4 hours Tyler was transported to UVA's ER, where we waited for another 4 hours. I knew I couldn't make the drive to UVA by myself so I called our dear friend Erin. I wasn't worried about the drive, but I needed someone to keep me together that night.

 

In UVA's ER Tyler was administered medication every 45 minutes yet he was still screaming that his pain was a 12. Most people don't realize that Tyler has an extremely high pain tolerance. My pain scale of a 10 is only a 7 to him. I quickly turned into that wife that stalks doctors and nurses in the ER. I wasn't afraid to tell them what I thought. I felt they were purposefully ignoring me. It even got to the point where they would reset the call button without making sure he was ok. I'm not sure how they ignored him the way they did. He was by far the loudest patient in there. At 5 a.m. we were finally taken to a room and he was admitted.

 

As we waited in both ER's I prayed harder than I had ever prayed before. I believe we experienced a miracle that night. I don't recall what time it was but while we were there I was praying and the words just started coming out, louder and louder. I was praying for his relief and a calm to come over him. The next thing I knew the room got silent and Tyler had fallen asleep in the midst of screaming. The entire hospital got quiet and my prayers had been answered.

Now back to Erin. I've known Erin for a little over a year and she has quickly become one of my closest friends. She is with Tyler 8 hours out of his 24 hours shift and is there for the guys when they need to talk about what they've seen. She is a counselor, an encourager, and most of all the fire wife. Station 1 is so blessed to have her. She was the first person to pop in my head when I had to make the decision to call for help. I knew that she would be there for us and she was. She dropped what she was doing to come with me. She sat in the ER with me while Tyler was going in and out of pain. She helped me keep him comfortable while he was sick. When Tyler got frustrated and told us he wanted to give up Erin stood up and firmly said, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle! You haven't been given all you can handle!" But most of all she kept me together until Tyler passed out and then held me as I cried. I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay her for all she did that night. She played a major role in getting us through that dark night.

When the sun came up at 7:00 that morning I couldn't believe we had gotten through the night. At that point I had been up for 28 hours. Our nurse Joanne came in and introduced herself and started taking care of Tyler. She was beyond wonderful. I almost cried when she touched my shoulder and told me everything was going to be alright. I knew we were in good hands. Tyler woke up at 9:00 and his parents arrived soon after. We were released at 2:30 and were home by 4:00. When our heads hit the pillow at 9:00 that night I had been up for 42 hours.  

Those first few nights were rough. Every hour and forty five minutes I was up giving Tyler medicine. However, every day was an improvement and within a week Tyler was off his medicine completely. Those first days we received so many texts, calls, prayers, and words of encouragement. Our friends and family came together and fed us for an entire week, which took the weight of the world off my shoulders. We couldn't have done it without everyone's support and most of all God. Thank you to everyone who helped us through this crazy time!

Blessings, Kelsey
 



All Dogs Go To Heaven

Today was one of the hardest days I've ever went through. It's always hard losing someone you love, but it's especially hard when that someone was your first best friend and companion for 17 years. Today our sweet little Tynie took his last breaths in my arms and gained his angel wings. I have truly been blessed with the opportunity to hold both of my boys during their last moments on this Earth. I feel that Buster must have needed him up there more than we needed him down here. I'm so happy that they have been reunited after being apart for over a year.

 

 

I wanted to share what I was thinking during those last moments with him. A wise vet once told me that she had a client who's son had went through with a surgery and died on the operating table. The doctor's were able to revive him and when he woke up he told his family what he saw during the brief time he left Earth. The first thing he saw was light. He described Heaven as being full of light. The second thing he experience was complete serenity and peace. The final thing he saw was his dog.

 

That's all the proof I need. All dogs go to Heaven. Letting go of Tynie and Buster has been the hardest thing my family has ever had to experience. But I rejoice in knowing that both of my boys are running in Heaven cancer free and that we will meet again.

 

 

In Loving Memory of Tynie Pierre Francios Sager

September 27, 1995 - October 23, 2012

 

The Date Challenge

A few weeks ago while I was browsing Pinterest, I ran into a post by a blogger that had 52 date night ideas. She challenged her husband to one date night a week. Most of the ideas are pretty inexpensive, yet super fun. Which is right up our alley! I fell in love with this post and began planning our upcoming date nights.

http://decrescenzio.blogspot.com/2012/01/52-date-nights.html

Truth is, we haven't been on a date since before we were married! No joke. Our first year of marriage has been nothing but bliss, but we honestly haven't had time to work on us. It hasn't been that big of a deal because we've had the last 6 years to work on us. This last year has thrown a lot at us. Between job changes, moving into our new home, graduating from college, half marathon training, fire company meetings, Relay meetings, constant doctor's visits, and 2 full time jobs and 4 side jobs between the two of us; life has been crazy! When I saw that post I decided that enough is enough. We are making time for one date night a week. We have put off working on our marriage too long and now is the perfect time to start. I'm beyond excited about this new journey!

Blessings,

Kelsey